With its low self-esteem and high urban blight, Hartford is the ultimate underdog city. Sad City Hartford documents the joys, sorrows and eccentricities of New England's Rising Star.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Coach's Fouls Out

We have been to Coach's about a half dozen times over the years, twice to eat. There isn't anything particularly good or bad about Coach's. Coach's is basically the generic sports bar found in almost every city and town with a mediocre sports bar menu. The most notable things about Coach's are (a) an awkward men's room urinal conversation where one unnamed Sad City writer tried to convince another patron that he was a world class bobsledder and that his family had been doing it "for generations" and (b) the fact that it is was owned by legendary UConn basketball coach Jim Calhoun.

While in downtown a couple days ago we happened to go past Coach's and notice that ole Coach hasn't exactly been following the letter of the law lately. You always like to see a sanitation violation on a place that serves food. How about "Labels, Labeling, Substitute alcohol?' Sound like an illegal substitution on ole Coach. You know when your date really jams you up and insists on Ketel One and cranberry? At Coach's your extra couple bucks are actually getting the cheap vodka that comes in the plastic bottle and is closer to gasoline than vodka. Technical foul on Coach.

Coach's issued an interesting report on their own violations.*  The report read that there "was a systematic failure at almost all levels to provide adequate supervision and an atmosphere of compliance. This was throughout the organization except for Coach, who despite being the head of the organization, had no idea about the widespread and systematic rule breaking throughout the organization. That's right, it was everybody except Coach, who had no idea this was going on and was trying to run a perfectly compliant program."

When asked if he though consumers should be refunded any of their money from the label violations Coach responded "not a dime back!"**

*This report does not exist and is fictional.
** Coach did not say this, but almost certainly would.


  1. This Coach's is not owned by Jim Calhoun. The first Coach's (now Black Bear) was owned by Calhoun in some minority stake, along with former Hartford Magazine executive Michael Guinan. Someone bought the name and the trade dress from that group -- where the TVs were old enough to drink -- and refurbished the place, only to see it go under shortly thereafter (and be bought by Black Bear) in 2008 or so.

    The current Coach's moved into the old Sally's Fish Camp and is two or three times removed from the three-time champ.

  2. Yeah was pretty sure he was out. But it's satire.

  3. They have fantastic pulled pork sandwiches. I'm not sure if there is a statute against subbing in sweet potato fries (also delicious).

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